I can’t talk about God and make any sense
God knows I am an inconsistent friend and haven’t been in touch. I wouldn’t say that I doubt God is there, as much as I wonder what role He/She plays in this world beyond moral support. I have a sense that people who die are still with us in some mystic way, and I envision them in a community with God, but I usually don’t think any of them have the power to impact change. There are too many bad things that happen to good people for me to believe that God chooses to intervene only some of the time. This does not stop me from imploring to God in times of need, almost as if acting out some script I was taught over the years, from when I was a child bouncing between Protestant churches, to when I was a college student converting to Catholicism. And now, in some limbo space where I worship the Stoic philosophers through my headphones every morning, rather than kneeling performatively in a pew, I am perhaps more genuine and closer to God than I have ever been.